


i’ll always mourn what could have been

by greyj30



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: /current relationship?, :(, A little, Angst, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Homophobia, I'm Sorry, It's confusing, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sad Ending, Self-Indulgent, Sharing Body Heat, Sokka (Avatar)-centric, Star-crossed, War, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, aged up AU, and just like, deeply sad, folks this will not end well for them, it starts off sad and just gets progressively worse, just prepare for it ok, lovers to enemies :(, same general universe as canon but everything's worse au, they're not In Love per se but they could have been, watch them fall in love juxtaposed with current day hate xoxo, we're all sad here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27397426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyj30/pseuds/greyj30
Summary: At thirteen, Zuko spoke out against the treatment of new soldiers. His father saw it fitting to burn his face and send him to fight. Somehow he survived. Be it bravery, foolishness, some fatal form of hope, he kept his doomed quest for honor through serving for seven years until he met Sokka, and then everything began to crash down.or: Sokka and Zuko have a chance to fall in love but are doomed bc they're on opposite sides and you know, homophobiabeta read bydevilkatiand byred0aktree
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 42





	1. Soldier's Lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Sokka reflect on how things went wrong as they both prepare for battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I wrote 4/6 of this in a day, currently finishing up 5 and 6
> 
> updates once a week :)
> 
> yes I said I wouldn't do anything major or multichaptered. guess what. I lied. this probably means I should work on avatar:growth soon

Sokka never expected things to turn out this way. He had once thought this was who he should become. _Is it too late to turn back?_ Years ago he had wanted this, but now he wasn’t so sure. He was supposed to succeed his father as War Chief of the Southern Water Tribe to continue the same century-long war, but now he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. He hadn’t been sure for a long time.

...

Zuko longed for the past and dreaded the future. He longed for something small, just a week of the same gentle fragility that consumed his heart now. But those days were few as they rotted and died once they were discovered. It was too late to mend the past, to right his wrongs, all he could do to redeem himself was fighting in the war and hopefully die with some small semblance of honor.

…

Sokka’s heart ached when he tried to not think of Zuko. _He could have fit._ His mind whispered to him, _No one else will ever come as close to fitting in your heart._ His hand tightened around his boomerang, pale knuckles turning white and blue. _This disease has spread too far._ His own voice swam in his head, horribly distorted and grating. _You have a duty to your tribe._

…

Zuko looked around at his brothers and sisters in arms, unafraid of the combat waiting for them on the battlefield. They wielded swords and spears, gently glowing yellow. Snow sizzled as it landed lightly on the blades. Every soldier had a lingering scowl on their face, adopted from years of war, and dealing with Commander Zhao all day.

His hand strayed to his own sword, which glowed red hot. Bending heat into swords was a specialized war tactic, created by his own great-grandfather, Firelord Sozin. It relied on perfect control of one's emotions. If Zuko got too emotionally cold, too distant, the sword would cool and crack. If he let his emotions control him, his sword would begin to melt and he would become even more of a laughingstock to his troop.

“We march at dawn, when we are strongest,” Commander Zhao ordered, his voice breaking Zuko out of any half-formed dreams of remembrance, “Remember _Prince Zuko,_ ” Zhao continued, his words ringing sharply against Zuko’s ears, “This is your last chance for honor.”

...

Sokka looked around the camps and realized that he would have to lead these soldiers into battle and that if they all died it was his fault. His father had enough power that his _fraternizing,_ , with a Fire Nation soldier, hadn’t affected his social standings as much, but Sokka always knew that the warriors would never fully trust him with their lives. He didn’t know if he was meant for this, what if it all went wrong?

“We attack at midnight when they are weakest,” he ordered, hoping that his troops would not hear the tremor in his voice. They didn’t seem to, and he thanked the spirits for that small mercy.

…

Zuko remembered the last time he was happy. Almost precisely six months ago. He had been in an igloo with the Water Tribe warrior he had fallen in love with. Huddled close for warmth against the ice, they had been laughing together over something, Zuko couldn’t seem to remember what. Mere seconds later they were discovered by Fire Nation troops and immediately separated. They let Sokka go. Zhao didn’t have to say why, but he did anyway. The next time he saw Sokka, he would have to kill him.

Zuko became a joke, the lowest of the low. He had already spent seven years of his life trying to regain his honor, but it seemed to forever slip out of his reach. Now, his chances for redemption and regaining everything, his throne, his father’s love, were all but zero. 

To the Fire Nation, the most honorable thing one can do is die in battle, so that became his goal. 

…

Sokka huddled outside the enemy’s campgrounds, silently motioning for other warriors to surround the site. He could not afford to get distracted now. But then Zuko walked by, and for a minute the world faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Two: Memories He'd Like to Forget** will be out next week on the 12th!
> 
> I hope you liked it! 
> 
> make sure to leave a kudos and please comment what you thought, I'd love to hear your opinion :)
> 
> anyways follow my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/) for more


	2. Memories He'd Like to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heading into the past, Zuko and Sokka are forced to work together to survive the cold.

When Sokka saw Zuko’s face, only lit up by the flickers of firelight with his eyes shining gold against the orange light, he was transported back to six months ago.

…  
_**Then**_  
…

They had been fighting during a blizzard, Sokka’s warriors were more used to the weather, but had no bending to counter Zuko’s comrades’ blasts of fire. Since then, Sokka always fought with two waterbenders at his side, his sister Katara and a woman from the Northern Tribe named Roka. 

Sokka had tackled Zuko and they were wrestling away from the battle, tumbling over and over until they reached the edge of a cliff of ice. Zuko’s helmet had been knocked off and his armor had jabbed Sokka rather painfully in the eye, apparently, the rounded spikes were meant for more than just decoration. There was no telling if there was snow cover at the bottom, or if all that waited to greet them was hard ice.

Zuko and Sokka looked at each other for a moment before Zuko grabbed Sokka’s collar and pulled him off the cliff with him, sending them both to what he thought would be their deaths.

Scrambling for a foothold against the cliff, Sokka yelled at Zuko as they fell together. “You idiot! Now we’ll both die!”

“At least I’ll die taking down an enemy!”

“Oh, shut up!” Sokka yelled back, now grabbing Zuko. “Gotta do everything around here,” He muttered to himself, finding tree roots and fissures in the ice to slow their fall. Together they landed cartoonishly softly on the gentle padding of new snow. 

Sokka got up, still grumbling and brushing snow off of his clothes. _Stupid firebender and his stupid deathwish._

“Why didn’t you drop me?” Zuko asked, staring at him blankly. He was still sitting in the snow, apparently not quite processing that he hadn’t died. After losing his helmet he seemed naked, his shaggy hair not quite reaching the back of his neck.

Sokka approached the cliff, trying to find ways to climb it. “You want the real answer?”

“... Sure.”

“Two months ago,” Sokka began, still patting down the cliff, “Your battalion took over a small village. No one important was there, just some elderly women and children. One of them was my Gran Gran. When you couldn’t find any soldiers, it was _you_ who convinced your commander that razing the town wouldn’t be worth it.”

Zuko nodded slowly, and then silence overtook the conversation for a while. Eventually, he asked, “How- how did you know it was me?”

"You lost your helmet before we fell over the cliff, take a guess,”

“Oh,” Zuko said, unconsciously reaching up to touch his scar. Even after seven years, the skin was still bright pink and twisted. He guessed it made him pretty easy to identify. 

“ _My dear Sokka,_ ” Sokka quoted his grandmother, mimicking her voice, “ _If you ever run into that Fire Nation soldier, the one with the awful hand-shaped scar, try your best to not kill him. For our village’s sake, and your own honor._ ”

Sokka noted with interest that Zuko stiffened at the word “honor” but not “awful hand-shaped scar”. 

Zuko noted with interest that the warrior’s name was Sokka before squashing any interest about his _enemy_ deep down.

…

After searching half a mile of the ice cliff, Sokka admitted defeat. “It looks like we’ll have to find somewhere to stay for the night. Can you promise not to kill me?”

Zuko didn’t respond. 

Sokka sighed, turning to face him, "Look, we won't gain anything from fighting each other right now. One of us would kill the other and then he'd freeze to death. No one wins that.”

"It would get me my honor back, freezing to death," Zuko said bitterly.

Sokka froze, "What?"

“That’s why I have this scar, it’s why I’m in the army in the first place. I need my honor back.” When Sokka didn’t respond, Zuko only scowled and kept talking. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to tell you anyway, except for the fact that one or both of us will probably be dead by the end of this.”

“Right.” Sokka nodded awkwardly. “Let’s find ourselves some shelter before we talk about impending doom, okay?”

“What’s the point? Either we die here or we don’t. Wouldn’t you rather die freezing in the snow than on a battlefield?”

“That doesn’t seem to fit your ‘I need to die for my honor’ spiel- wait I don’t know your name.”

“Zuko,” Zuko supplied.

“Still doesn’t fit your ‘I need to die for my honor’ spiel, _Zuko_.”

“Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I don’t want it to.”

“Buddy-”

“I’m not your buddy,” Zuko snapped.

“-dearest enemy, you _cannot_ keep oversharing because you think we won’t make it out alive.”

“Fine.” 

“Great, now that that’s settled, let’s look for shelter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Three: Strike First** will be out next week on the 19th!
> 
> anyways... yes this fic is tagged sharing body heat for a reason you'll just have to wait 
> 
> comment what you think of it so far, I love each and every comment I receive on things both because I thrive off of socialization and also because its nice to connect with people over something I've created
> 
> follow or message me on my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/) for more :)


	3. Strike First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka leads his warriors to attack Zuko's campsite

_**Now**_  
…

Sokka grinned as his warriors flanked the campsite. “Alright men-”

“And women!” Katara interrupted, glaring.

“And women,” he amended, “We’ve got this. Katara, Roka, you two take out the night guards at their posts. Secrecy is key. Meanwhile, Zoatok, Kato, and I will head for the commander’s tent. He’s our main target. Remember: if this doesn’t go well, retreat to the boats, we have warriors waiting there if we need to make a quick getaway.”

…

Zuko had woken earlier with a start, unsettled. Nothing seemed to be amiss, but he had to be sure. 

After walking around the campsite for ten minutes, he was satisfied that nothing was wrong. Heading back to his tent, he heard a quiet _snap_ of someone stepping on a discarded torch and realized what was going on.

He had to tell Zhao.

But wait. What if Sokka is out there?

Zuko looked out again and saw Sokka leading his warriors quietly around the perimeter.

He had to tell Zhao.

…

Zuko cautiously entered Zhao’s tent, where the man was apparently asleep in bed.

“Commander, there are enemy soldiers around the campsite right now. I believe that they are trying to kill you.”

Zhao sat up in bed, listening to Zuko more than he ever thought he would.  
“Well then, I guess we better be prepared to welcome them.”

“Sir? What do you mean?”

“This,” Zhao said, whipping off his blankets to show that he was already in armor.

“Sir? That couldn’t have been comfortable.”

“I knew that they were coming, we have an informant,” Zhao said flippantly. He marched out of his tent with Zuko following behind him. For a minute, both firebender stopped when they saw the scene that had been waiting to greet them.

All the guards had been knocked out, their bodies sprawled loosely across the barren ground. They would only have hours before freezing to death if they didn’t wake up in time. Zhao ignored the bodies and continued walking into the open.

“I’m waiting!” He called, spreading his arms out.

Zuko could feel the cold air stinging his cheeks and closed his eyes on reflex. It was at that moment that the warriors struck.

One warrior ran at Zhao, yelling a war cry. Without a second thought, Zhao parried their attack and shoved them away.

Another warrior ran forward, attempting to stab Zhao with a dagger. Zhao chuckled quietly before hitting them in the face with a blast of fire so bright it burned yellow against Zuko’s eyelids for a second. 

Screaming in pain, the warrior fell to the ground. Sokka rushed forward, slinging his arm around the man’s shoulders and pulling him up off the ground.

A few of the guards had begun to stir, surrounding the few Water Tribe warriors.

Sokka looked around desperately, lugging the burned man with him. “Zoatok! You’re gonna be okay, we’re going to get you out of here.” He paced back and forth before settling on Zuko, who was still following behind Zhao.

“You!” He raised an accusing finger at Zuko, “You told Zhao when we got here! I can’t believe you!”

Zhao laughed, “What, did you seriously think you’d be on the same side now? That you meant anything to him? How utterly foolish,” 

Zuko wanted so _desperately_ to deny this, to tell Sokka that he had a mole on his team. But he looked into Sokka’s eyes and suddenly lost any words he would have strung together.

“You- you did this to us.” Sokka raised his chin, glaring at Zuko. “Thanks to you, Zoatok is burned, he could die. I guess you don’t care about that.”

Zhao looked at Zuko, waiting for his response.

“I-” Zuko faltered, “I care about my superior officer more than the enemy.”

Sokka shook his head, “How did I ever trust you?” 

Zuko refused to meet Sokka’s eyes.

…

Somehow, Sokka escaped. He always did. His tribe depended on him, and right now his fellow warrior, Zoatok, depended on him more than usual.

Katara and Roka had come to his defense, spraying up a sheet of snow to cover him as he dragged Zoatok away. When they got the boats, Katara healed Zoatok as much as she could, but he was barely hanging on. 

Sokka couldn’t believe it. He had failed his people, failed his friends, failed his tribe. All because he hesitated for that split second. _Zuko,_ he thought balefully, _why did it have to be you?_

They paddled away silently with the water below them as black as the sky above with none of the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Four: Not Close Enough** will be out next week on the 26th!
> 
> Katara has like one whole line in this fic but she's still perfect ok
> 
> follow or message me on my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/) for more!


	4. Not Close Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Sokka try to survive inside an igloo (memory)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now,, one of the moments you've been waiting for...

_**Then**_  
…

Zuko and Sokka sat awkwardly on opposite sides inside the igloo Sokka had hastily made. Both were shivering, their teeth chattering in the cold. They glared at each other with half-lidded eyes, neither wanting to be the first to trust.

Eventually, Zuko got tired of being uncomfortable. “I’m sick of this! Do you have anything we can make a fire with?”

“I have some seal jerky but we have nothing to light it,” Sokka said, pulling out a handful of the dried meat from a pocket.

Zuko displayed the fireball he created with his hand, staring at Sokka. 

“Ah right,” Sokka said, pursing his lips, “Forgot about that.”

He handed the jerky to Zuko almost mournfully, wishing the meat well. Zuko lit it carefully with a single fingertip. The smoke that came from the jerky was thick and pungent, Sokka stared at it sadly and thought about how good the jerky would have tasted.

The fire was small and sputtering, but it was warm. They both scooted closer to the fire, trying to absorb any warmth they could. Zuko sighed in relief as the feeling came back to his hands, while Sokka muttered vague appreciative things about the fire. 

However, seal jerky was not a great fuel for the fire, and after a few hours, the flames died, sending one last breath of smoke through the igloo.

Sokka groaned, watching mournfully as the smoke dissipated. 

“What do we do now?” Zuko asked, staring at the ashes as if willing them to ignite.

“Well there’s something we _could_ do, but I don’t think you’d like it.” Sokka had an embarrassed expression on his face that Zuko did not trust _at all_.

“What?”

“We could huddle together for warmth,” Sokka looked away, not meeting Zuko’s eyes.

 _No_ “Absolutely not.”

“I’m not happy about it either!”

“I will not.” _Huddling with the enemy?_ That would destroy any honor Zuko had earned. But then again, he’d already worked with Sokka to light a fire.

“Would you rather die?”

“I won’t freeze to death, firebenders can control their body temperature.”

“Oh I see, so you’re just gonna wait me out.”

“Shut up, Sokka.” 

Sokka smirked, “Oh, so we’re on a first-name basis now?”

“You called me Zuko,”

“Yeah, but I did that to be rude.”

“Ugh, whatever.”

Sokka scooted closer to Zuko. “What are you doing?” Zuko asked, scooting away.

“I’ll back off if you really want, but I bet you can’t maintain your heat control very well if you were seriously concerned about freezing to death.” Sokka tentatively scooted a little closer, allowing about half a foot of space to hang between them. Zuko swallowed, and then matched the distance, their shoulders touching. 

“Okay ow,” Sokka said after five seconds of being near Zuko.

“What now?” Zuko snapped, “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Your stupid pokey armor is stabbing my arm.” Sokka grumbled, rubbing his arm, “Also it’s metal, isn’t that just taking the heat from you?”

Zuko decided to not dignify Sokka’s questions with a response.

Sokka rolled his eyes, “ _Spirits_ , just take off your armor already.”

“I can’t do that for two reasons.” Zuko crossed his arms, scowling at Sokka.

“Zuko, would you care to explain the two reasons?”

“No.”

“Great.” Sokka scooted away, frustrated. 

After about twenty minutes, Zuko really started to shiver. His skin had lost any of its color and his lips were blank white, slightly tinged blue.

Sokka sighed, “Look, you’re going to die. Just take off your armor, be a man, and huddle with me.”

“I can’t take off my armor. You’re an enemy, and,” he paused, pursing his lips before shivering again, “I can’t take off my armor on my own.”

“What?”

Now speaking through chattering teeth, Zuko continued, “Fire Nation is built around community and the combined power of our workers and soldiers. All of our armor requires another person to help, apparently, it builds camaraderie among troops.”

“Huh,” Sokka mused, looking at Zuko’s armor. “I’m another person, I’ll help you take it off.”

“Oh, absolutely not,” Zuko said flatly.

“Your other option is death.”

“Fine.” 

All of his movements would have to be clean and concise. Sokka approached carefully, his hands gently taking hold of the plates of Zuko’s armor. It took about ten minutes, slowly dismantling Zuko’s armor, learning about how it worked and how it overlapped. Sokka knew if Zuko hadn’t been almost dying from hypothermia he wouldn’t have suggested it.

“So this piece,” Sokka said, removing the chestplate, “Has a huge design flaw, did you know that?”

“What?” 

“Someone could stab right through here,” Sokka lightly touched the lower half of the chestplate, “And the armor would splinter from the force, since it’s stretched thin.”

“Oh,” Zuko said, barely conscious but still examining the armor closely, “Well I hope you’re the only enemy to figure that out.”

When Sokka finished removing Zuko’s armor he crept forward even closer and wrapped Zuko in his arms.

Zuko snapped out of his semi asleep state, struggling against Sokka’s grasp as Sokka tightened his arms.

“What is this, some kind of death grip?”

“You’re dying of hypothermia, it’s called a hug.”

Zuko stopped struggling, “Oh,” Then, ever so carefully, he placed his arms around Sokka to match. 

They sat like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, their breath turning to steam and mingling in the cool air. 

Sokka turned his head to ask Zuko a question and froze. Zuko had been watching Sokka’s face carefully, his eyes tracking Sokka’s every facial expression and movement. His eyes were molten gold, the sun shining against a clear sky, a stark contrast to his dark clothes or the off white igloo walls around them.

Sokka gazed back wordlessly, his question dying on his lips.

They stared into each other's eyes for a while, not daring to say anything. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Five: Revenge** will be out next week on the 3rd!
> 
> they do be looking a lil gay doe 
> 
> follow or message me on my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/) for more :)


	5. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhao yells at the soldiers and is generally a dick
> 
> Content warning: this is where the graphic description comes in someone gets very hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: if you have issues or triggers associated with burns please be very careful

_**Now**_  
…

It was just barely dawn, and Zhao was already yelling. 

“Soldiers, stand at attention! You all are useless sacks of manure, where were you all as I fought off a small platoon of Water Tribe savages!”

“I don’t know if they’re savages,” Zuko muttered almost unconsciously.

“What was that, Prince Zuko?” Zhao rounded on him, his voice stinging like ice. Fortunately, Zuko had grown used to the cold.

“They’re not savages.” Zuko said firmly, “Besides, the troop couldn’t help you because rather than _tell_ them that you knew there would be an attack, you kept it to yourself so you could make a big show of fighting off the warriors.” Zuko closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself for a tirade, but nothing came. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw Zhao’s face contort into a silent fury.

Zhao crept forward, pulling his sword from its scabbard. The sword began to glow white-hot, and Zhao continued to stalk forward, daring Zuko to move. 

Zuko stood his ground, praying silently that Zhao would calm down. 

When he finally reached Zuko, Zhao smiled, holding the blade higher in the air to catch the light.

“Prince Zuko, are you familiar with the phrase ‘to turn the other cheek’?” Zhao asked, almost innocently.

“I’m afraid not, Commander,” Zuko responded, feeling dread turn his stomach to knots.

“Don’t worry, you’ll learn it,” Zhao said as he leaned forward, laying his steaming blade onto Zuko’s right cheek, across from his scar.

His skin blistered instantly, and it took everything in him to not scream in pain. 

Zhao removed the blade casually, announcing to the soldiers, “Get his wound cleaned, but do not cover it. We march on the Water Tribe in an hour. Zuko, this is your last chance to kill that Water Tribe boy or face worse consequences.”

“Yes, Commander.”

…

They marched on the Southern Water Tribe, entering villages in search of warriors and setting any kindling they could find ablaze. Zuko’s fresh burn stung, and for once he wished he had his helmet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Six: The End: Part One** will be out next week on the 10th!
> 
> ahahah both beta readers said that this scene was really upsetting and it fits with the general vibes of this story so at this point if you're reading it you knew what you were in for
> 
> feel free to follow or message me on my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/) for more!


	6. The End: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final memories for Sokka and Zuko in the igloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're wrapping up! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it
> 
> this one is short but the final one is a real monster

_**Then**_  
…

At some point, after huddling for warmth for several hours the huddling turned to clinging, and the clinging turned into cuddling. Neither Zuko nor Sokka was entirely sure how it happened, but as it got darker and the night grew closer, the more intertwined they became, limbs overlapping as they tried to pretend it didn’t mean anything.

“So,” Sokka said, hoping to break the silence, “What’s it like as a Fire Nation soldier?”

Bringing the topic of war seemed to remind them what they were doing, but it seemed impossible to untangle. 

“My commander is rude,” Zuko said, “and the rest of the soldiers in my troop think I’m an entitled prince, despite serving since I was thirteen.”

Sokka only nodded as a response, encouraging Zuko to keep talking. 

“I guess I shouldn't expect their respect, everyone knows I dishonored my family. They can see it plainly on my face, the placement and intention is clear among the Fire Nation. _Traitor_... Not that it matters. I fought seven years in this war, and it’s still not enough. I don’t think it ever will be. What about you, what's it like as a Water Tribe warrior?”

“Everything in my tribe thinks I’m ready to be the leader, but I’m not. My dad, in particular, he’s the chief right now. I’m supposed to take over from him eventually, but Zuko I’m so scared. I can’t have anyone’s life on the line that like, or even their wellbeing.”

“Well, I’m still alive,” Zuko said, smiling.

“Wait, was that a joke?” Sokka asked, incredulous.

“What? No!” Zuko insisted, turning his head away.

“It was!”

“Of course not!”

By the time Zuko turned his head back to face Sokka, their faces were so close together that noses bumped. 

“Oh,” they whispered, almost in unison.

Sokka dared to get closer, daring Zuko to respond in turn. Zuko inched slightly closer, their noses almost colliding again. They kissed lightly once, barely a peck across closed mouths. It was deeply delicate and afraid and encouraged more. They kissed again, a little softer, and then suddenly they were _kissing,_ forgetting the howling wind and cold outside them and only focusing on the warmth between them.

Sokka’s hair had fallen out of its wolf tail and it fanned around his head, tickling Zuko’s nose. They both _giggled_ over this, clutching each other as lifelines against a world that would not give them joy.

That moment of almost perfect contentment was broken soon after as the igloo melted all around them, exposing them to the night sky. Scrambling out of their embrace was not enough, Zhao’s glare told Zuko that he had seen all he needed to.

Zhao chose to let Sokka go, watching as he ran into the distance.

“You will kill him.”

Zuko looked up to the stars and saw a comet fly overhead and made a wish. He silently whispered an apology to the spirits, “Yes, Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Seven: The End: Part Two** will be out next week on the 17th!
> 
> if you're reading this, comment one think you liked on the story story so far or how you think it will end :)
> 
> personally my favorite line is "what is this, a deathgrip?"
> 
> also hghhh. im getting surgery in a week and!! its soon!!  
> feel free to follow or message me to on my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/) for more :)


	7. The End: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now fully caught up to current day, Zuko ends up in Sokka's village with full intent to kill him. 
> 
> content warning: death, but in an unexpected way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was a nice run! also the ending was HEAVILY inspired by this art PLEASE go check it out [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/CHTNRw6loso/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)

_**Now**_  
...  
Sokka ran out of his hut when he heard a scream. _They’re here,_ he thought. _Zuko’s here,_ his mind added unhelpfully. _Zuko’s made his choices_.

Sokka ran into battle, fighting any soldier he came into contact with, unconsciously searching for Zuko. 

Zuko found him first.

“Sokka,” he called, hoping desperately that by acting cold he would be able to kill whatever these _feelings_ were still rooted deep in his chest. It didn’t work. Sokka looked into Zuko’s eyes and knew in a heartbeat that he was forcing himself.

“Oh, Zuko,” Sokka said, staring at Zuko’s face.

A horrible violent red burn bubbled across the right side of Zuko’s face in a perfectly straight line, running from his cheekbone to his jaw. 

Zuko leaped forward, grabbing Sokka. They wrestled for control, Sokka scrambling for something to grab on his armor as he was shoved into the snow. Sokka finally stopped struggling when Zuko pushed him forward, stabbing him in the collarbone with his sword. Sokka could only gasp, staring open-mouthed at Zuko.

A tear leaked out of Zuko’s eye, and then two, and then suddenly he was crying, still twisting the blade deeper.

“Sokka I had to do this, you know that,” Zuko pleaded, clutching him desperately. From a distance, he could feel Zhao’s stare burning holes into the back of his head.

Sokka chuckled, then winced in pain, spitting out blood. “It’s always going to be about honor with you, isn’t it?” 

“Sokka, please,” 

““Aw, c’mon Zuko. Don’t get all soft on me now. It’s a little late for that.”

“Sokka, I love you,” Zuko delicately pressed his lips to Sokka’s, tasting blood. Zuko tasted like muddy ash and desperation, but Sokka lost himself in the kiss for a moment before coming to senses. 

Shoving Zuko’s face away, Sokka laughed bitterly until it turned to a cough. “You don’t love me, you can’t. I can’t either. We could have been in love if things were different, if we were less fucked up.”

“Sokka, I’m so sorry,”

Sokka looked into Zuko’s eyes for the last time. “I’m sorry, too,” His hand tightened around the bone dagger he kept at his waist. 

“I can’t let you hurt anyone else,” Sokka murmured, his head bowed. He steeled himself, bracing against the pain that would begin to erupt from his collarbone as he lunged forward. Before Zuko could respond, Sokka drove the dagger in between the plates of Zuko's armor in an achingly familiar way, the chestplate splintering from the pressure. The world went silent for a moment as Sokka whispered something before he pulled away. Something only Zuko could hear.

_“I’ll always mourn what could have been,”_

…

The Water Tribe Victory proved to be short, Zhao and the remaining soldiers came back full force, rallying against their dying brother. 

_Zuko would have hated that Zhao was pretending to care about him_ Sokka thought, a half-smile on his lips. The smile died all too soon when he remembered what he did.

Sokka couldn't feel his hands, he could barely look at his dagger. As they escaped the soldiers he threw his dagger into a snowbank, banishing it from his life. 

Sokka treated everyone differently after that day, his own tribe, enemy soldiers. He was not in love with Zuko, and now never would be. That aching possibility of what could have been was stolen from him forever. Sokka moved on in life. He stood proudly by Katara as she became the Chieftess, and married Suki, a Kyoshi Warrior who got lost and ended up in the North Pole by chance. Slowly but surely, he built a life of love and security.

Still, Sokka was haunted. No longer taking a physical form, his dagger, carved of bone by his father and gifted to him as a young boy, would haunt his dreams for years to come. Every night Sokka woke up in a cold sweat, his collarbone still aching. He never woke Suki for this. She lived and died never knowing. Every night, he huddled by himself around the fire for warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all folks! hope you enjoyed it or cried or maybe both! comment what you think, I'd love to hear it!
> 
> also!! im getting surgery tomorrow so if you've liked what I write in general unfortunately there will probably be no updates on anything else until January. love u all
> 
> feel free to follow or message me about how I possibly made you cry on my [tumblr](https://greyj30.tumblr.com/)


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